Temple Israel of Hollywood: Is That a Teacup Chihuahua in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

On the whole, our experience at Temple Israel of Hollywood was a great, quirky blend of classic weird Hollywood and progressive Reform spirituality. When the cantor who led the service started referencing Buddhist goddesses, it was confirmed that we had definitely ventured outside of our Virginia and Dallas roots. The cantor seemed made for show business, kind of like a singing, Jewish George Clooney. Welcome to Hollywood. It was unclear whether he was Israeli or just really good at pronouncing Hebrew prayers; regardless, he was a great storyteller who rocked some Debbie Friedman tunes on the guitar. Thumbs up for the cantor.

The real highlight of the evening happened when we stood and faced the door to greet the Sabbath bride. A whispered commotion erupted behind us. We thought people must be really into the Shabbat spirit, but no--a rhinestone-collared Chihuahua that was small enough to get lost on a Seder plate had just joined us for services. Its leather-studded, soul-patched owner (we’ll call him Ed Hardy Goes to Shul, or EHGtS) was not far behind. From a distance, we thought he could be Jessica’s first Shabbat suitor, but upon closer inspection, we were not impressed by the embroidered dragon on his vest or his gefilte fish-sized dog. Can’t handle a real dog, can’t handle a real woman.

We should also note that the logistics of entering the temple proved challenging even for two brilliant Jewesses like us. After an easy 15-minute shlep on the Red Line (Go Metro!), we marched through the Hollywood & Highland madness in our Shabbas finery, braving crowds of camera-wielding tourists, rabid shoppers, and an actual red carpet that forced us to cross the street unnecessarily multiple times. Feeling quite relieved to arrive safely at our destination, we approached the regal double doors of TIoH with anticipation and delight. Unfortunately, the doors did not open. After knocking several times to no avail, we made the trek around the block (in HEELS) to the back alley parking lot where a security guard marked the actual entrance to the service.  Budget an extra ten minutes into your travel time for navigation.

Chai-lights
1. Friendly, welcoming congregation
2. Good cookies at oneg
3. Teacup chihuahua. I mean, seriously.

Kvetches
1. Why invest in fancy doors if you’re not going to use them?
2. Demographics: the 40-70 crowd was well-represented, but where are all the young folks? You don’t count, Ed Hardy.
3. Buddhist goddesses? Ya killing ya motha.

Total Bagels: Four out of five